Homemade French Dressing

Since I was a little girl, French (or Catalina or Western) dressing has been my favorite salad dressing of all time.

Yes, I know it’s not tres chic, even with the Continental-type name (did you know that the term French dressing was originally a synonym for “vinaigrette” and it’s ubiquitous in many countries with their own different twists?), but it’s delicious. And it’s always been a staple at my house because it’s the one salad dressing we can all agree on.

Since salads and vegetables are staples on this whole food eating thing–and let’s be honest, they are TOTES BORING and need a little bit of saucin’ up to make them fun to eat–I started looking around for an organic/whole option for our favorite dressing.

But when I started reading the ingredient list of the dressings available at the store and…ugh, I hate to be that person, but OMG SRSLY WTF IS IN THERE. Even in the organic stuff! Xanthan gum, dextrose (which is just sugar DID YOU KNOW THAT I DID NOT KNOW THAT), all sorts of colorings…

I’m willing to make small sacrifices for, say, Caesar dressing, but when it comes to salad dressings that don’t require mayonnaise, I figured I could make something that was remotely passable. Here we go!

• 1/2 cup ketchup
• 3/4 cup oil
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1/4 cup vinegar
• Pinch of salt
• Worcestershire sauce to taste (about 1/2 tsp)
• Lemon (or lime) juice to taste (about 1/2 tsp)

Step 1: Throw everything into your blender (OH HAI BLENDER WE MISSED YOU)

Step 2: Turn on your blender.

The verdict:

Vindication! This is THE BEST FRENCH DRESSING I HAVE EVER HAD. You guys, it’s so delicious. Especially because of the honey. The teeny bit of Worcestershire sauce and lime juice add a surprising amount of depth and acidity–just enough–to make this a rich, delicious accompaniment for salads or crudites. Since it’s so rich, you only need a little bit for a big punch of flavor.

Homemade Easy-Peasy Shrimp Scampi Take 1

Since The Food Renovation happened at our house, one of the biggest things to change has been the elimination of packaged dry goods, specifically Rice-A-Roni enriched and salted goodness. Since these boxes of glorious chemicals and additives have long been a staple of our meals, this drastic change has caused strain (albeit slight) upon our plates and palates.

Especially for me. Oh, “various spices” and “enriched bleached flour,” my head says no but my heart says yes!

As you may recall from this post, the Abbyfied Shrimp Scampi was a pretty frequent dinner at our house. So, after a few weeks Into This Food Thing, it will come as no surprise that we were craving a little garlic-pasta-shrimp-pasta goodness.

“No problemo!” I exclaimed, firing up Chef Google in search of Just-Like-But-Healthy-Recipies-For-Rice-A-Roni. “Someone will have come up with a solution for me!’

Alas, no. So, in true Midwestern American sprit, I decided that I would use my brilliance (I AM a Phi Beta Kappa, after all) to create a Recipe(TM).

The first step was, obviously, to determine what ingredients to use. To the ingredient list, Batman!

Wh…wh…what?

My supersharp reading ability (I AM a Phi Beta Kappa, after all) and mad logic skillz helped me determine that the only “real” ingredients in this mess were:

• Pasta
• Garlic
• Parsley
• Onion
• “Spices”

Here’s what that looks like in the real world.

Boxed mix.

My mix.

 

So, rolling up my sleeves, I put together:

• Half a box of whole-wheat angel hair pasta
• 1 tbsp. garlic powder
• 1 tbsp. parsley
• 1/2 tbsp onion
• 1 tsp salt

 

Then, I prepared my Faux-a-Roni according to the boxed directions (1 1/3 c. water + 2/3 c. milk + 2 tbsp butter + spices and pasta upon boiling).

Looks good so far.

Feeling smug and self-important, I went ahead and defrosted the all-important shrimp.

Shrimp really is one of the best foods on the planet, if you’re not allergic. Low in fat, low in calories, no gross gristle, mild taste, can be used in just about anything. What’s there not to love? (Besides anaphylactic reactions, o’course.)

Then it was time to conquer the shrimp scampi mix conundrum.

…so, pretty much the same ingredients as the Faux-a-Roni mix.

I tossed in a couplea spoonfuls of garlic powder, onion powder, salt and parsley…

Ta da.

…and went to town on mixin’ everything up.

Looks good so far.

Oh, boy! This is gonna be good.

The stage was set. The shrimp was cooked. The pasta was tender. I plated it all up…

Look how pretty!

 

The verdict:

Terry and I took bites at the same time. And then took no more bites after that.

It was an epic and glorious failure. Too salty. WAY too salty. Too garlicky. Too, just…too much. It all had to be chucked. ALL OF IT.

And I had such a big sad, because THE RICE-A-RONI, I MISSES IT.

So…anyone out there? Any tips? Obviously, not dumping the whole mix mess into the various pots and pans is a good start. But does anyone have any suggestions of spices or flavor combinations that could work?*

**I swear that I am not a total failure as a cook. In fact, I have had great successes, which will be COMING SOON TO A BLOG NEAR YOU. However, I think my failures are much more funny and way more entertaining to write about. 

 

Pork Chops / Potato Soup

Getting back up on the cooking horse–never mind the healthy eating horse–doesn’t take a lot of effort initially, but once the novelty wears off, one can definitely look around and say: “Huh. Never realized how much foresight it takes to Eat Right and Cook Every Single Night.”

Oh, I know there are BILLIONS and BILLIONS OF BLOGS out there on the internetz that exclaim that cooking is fun! and it’s so easy! and healthy eating is sooooo rewarding and simple and I have four kids and I make everything from scratch and by hand! and still have time to garden! and spend quality time with my husband! and grow my own lentils! 

Gag me with a spoon.

I like–and need–meals that are quick, easy, and pretty foolproof. Which, in the Old Days, would have looked something like this:

Meat + Rice-a-Roni boxed thing + Bread + some sort of canned veggie = Dinner in 30 minutes

Obviously, in this New World Order, my go-to plan requires a little more…effort. So, when I saw this recipe online and realized that it only had FOUR REAL INGREDIENTS, I knew it was A Perfect New Beginning for the New and Improved Dinner Divided Blog.

Basic Ingredient: Pork Chops

Dinner #1: Pork chop with baked potato and green beans
Dinner #2: Potato soup with pork and green beans

Only four “actual” ingredients–one of my more simple meals.

Ingredients:

• Potatoes
• Pork chops (the original soup recipe calls for pork sausage, but since sausage isn’t a whole food, pork chops were substituted)
• Frozen green beans

Additional ingredients for Dinner #2:

• 2-3 cups chicken broth
• 2 bay leaves
• Salt and pepper

Step 1: Get your baked potato cookin’ in a 400 degree oven. (Or you can microwave it. Whichever you prefer. We like crispy potato skins in our house.)

Step 2: Drop those pork chops into a skillet and start cooking, baby!

Three little piggies/sittin’ in a pan/turned to each other/and said: “Hey! Are we ham?”

Step 2: While the pork is cooking, wash and cube two small potatoes.

I am so glad that potatoes are whole foods. Like, you have no idea. OM NOM NOM STARCH

Step 3: Put the chicken broth, cubed potatoes, half the package of green beans and the bay leaves into a pot. Bring to a boil, and then simmer.

Any recipe whose basic premise is “throw everything into a pot and let it heat up” gets two thumbs up in my book.

Step 4: Pour yourself a glass of wine (yay, wine!) and keep an eye on everything, making sure the pork is cooked through, the potatoes in the soup are getting soft. and the baked potato is crisping.

Step 5. When everything is getting close to done, prepare the other half of the package of green beans according to directions on the package.

Step 6: Remove a cooked pork chop from the pan, trim the fat off, and slice into small pieces.

All fancy-like.

Step 7: As soon as everything’s cooked, plate it up and serve!

Dee-lish.

The verdict:

I give it a 10 on the Ease Scale and a 7 on the Taste Scale. The soup could do with a little added seasoning–all the ingredients were distinctly their own, and didn’t quite mesh into a glorious melange.

For those attempting this recipe (and are perhaps a little less stringent dietarily), I would suggest these changes:

1. Use a high-quality pork sausage instead of pork chops
2. Use French-cut green beans instead of haricot verts
3. Play around with spices to add some zip to the broth

All things considered, this is an excellent, fast, and tasty soup that’s great for a weeknight meal. Perhaps on my next trip to the store, I’ll find some delicious, uncured, unprocessed sausage that can be used to jazz up  this recipe.

Hooray for healthy and whole! Hooray for EASY!

Homemade Caesar Salad Dressing

This entry is Part 2 of a two-part adventure. Part 1 is here.

The whole point of making my own mayonnaise was to create a base for the dressing of a favorite household staple: Caesar salad dressing.

Caesar salads are, in a word, awesome. The perfect base to a light and tasty main dish, or a fabulous side dish to any number of meals. We eat a ton of ‘em. So, in the spirit of Whole Foodness, why not make your own dressing, free of preservatives? WHY NOT?

For all the masochists out there! Follow my instructions on mayonnaise-making, and then gather ’round for your foray into…

Ignore the pears and banana.

Ingredients

• 2 small garlic cloves, minced
• 1 teaspoon anchovies, mashed
• 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 cup mayonnaise
• 1/2 cup freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Instructions

Step 1: Make mayonnaise.

Step 2: Juice the lemon.

I subscribe to the Rachael Ray method: squeeze the lemon with the cut side facing up. That way, you don’t need cheesecloth, and you don’t have to pick (too many) seeds out of the juice.

Step 2: Throw everything into your blender. Don’t bother measuring. Just eyeball.

Why, oh why, did I not do this with the mayonnaise?

Step 3: Taste. Adjust seasonings to your liking.

The result:

Which apparently tastes just like the bottled stuff, according to Terry.

Also the result:

Post-mayonnaise-and-dressing-making.

The verdict:

I give up.

Homemade Mayonnaise

This entry is Part 1 of a two-part adventure.

As you may have guessed from the previous post, our house is undergoing a major culinary renovation.

We’re eating healthy. Specifically, striking out processed foods, and instead eating nutrient-rich items that are as close to their natural state as possible. Oh, and we’re eating organic, too.

Until we started this lifestyle (NOT A DIET, IT’S A WAY OF LIFE) I hadn’t realized just how much crap we had in our fridge and cupboards. Packaged food! Enriched flour! Unpronounceable ingredients! EVERYTHING I LIKE IS BAD FOR ME.

So. We’re pitching everything and starting from scratch.

Making things from scratch, too.

Condiments are not items that I ever thought about in terms of organic/whole, but after reading a bunch of labels at the supermarket, I realized that (perhaps) the healthiest option would be to make everything–EVERYTHING!–myself. It didn’t seem that crazy at the time, since I love making my own salad dressings, and my host mother in France made everything by hand, so obviously, it can be done.

Because it was a weekend, and I love projects, I decided to tackle a staple that’s a base for our favorite type of salad. Feeling very bold and suburban, I embarked on my first project to make…

I’m feeling very French with a premonition of schadenfreude.

Ingredients:

2 egg yolks and one whole egg, room temperature (see Step 1)
1 tablespoonish freshly-squeezed lemon juice
1 teaspoon Dijon-style mustard
1/2 teaspoon salt
Big pinch freshly-ground pepper (I used regular ol’ unfancy pepper)
Up to 2 cups oil (I used olive oil)

Step 1: Bring the eggs to room temperature. Instead of simply leaving them on the counter for an hour and forgetting about them because I was too busy watching American Horror Story (blood! sex! scenery-chewing!), I filled a bowl up with warm (not hot) water, put the eggs in, and waited 10 minutes.

You should use the freshest eggs you can find–preferably organic or pasteurized. This avoids (as much as possible) a salmonella risk.

Step 2: Once the eggs are sufficiently warmed, separate two of the eggs, keeping only the yolks (unless you feel like making merengue).

Look at those egg yolks. Sitting there like two judging eyes. STOP IT.

Step 3: Put the egg yolks, the remaining whole egg, lemon juice, mustard, salt and pepper in the work bowl of the food processor.

This doesn’t look anything like mayonnaise. However, egg whites look nothing like merengue, either, so I will take a leap of faith and soldier on.

Step 5: Snap the bowl onto the food processor (that you have never used before) and flip the switch on.

Step 6: Realize that you should have checked to see if the food processor (again, that you have never used before) ACTUALLY WORKS before beginning this recipe.

Step 7: Swear.

Step 8: Pour the whole mess into a glass bowl and grab your wire whisk, because if Julia Child can do it and she didn’t learn to cook until she was 41, the least you can do is make this mayonnaise. By hand.

Conveniently forgetting that you have a blender which would work just as well as a food processor.

Step 9: Whisk the hell out of the blobby mixture until it’s all frothy. Realize halfway through that you haven’t measured out the olive oil, so stop, hurriedly pour 2 cups of oil into a measuring cup, and resume beating the eggs.

Step 10: While you keep beating, pour the oil very, very, VERY slowly into the egg mixture to start emulsifying. VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERY SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWLY.

The interwebz says to add about 10-15 percent of the oil to emulsify. Whisk it completely in to the mixture and wait at least 30 seconds in-between additions. Also, it’s probably best not to take pictures while you’re doing this.

Step 11: Once the mixture is thickish, add the oil in a thin stream. Try to tamp down your growing grumpiness at the mixture before you and instead judge the overachievers whose recipes were filled with lines like “it’s so easy!” and “you won’t believe how good it will taste!” Tell yourself that this damn thing had better taste like sunshine and rainbows.

If you’re using a food processor or blender, don’t stop the machine–just pause every few seconds to make sure the oil is being mixed in well. Continue until it “looks right,” which means maybe not adding in all the oil, because if you are making homemade mayonnaise, you probably know what it
“looks right” looks like.

Step 12: Check the mayonnaise for taste and consistency, because if you are making this, YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW WHAT MAYONNAISE SHOULD TASTE LIKE UNLIKE ME WHO PREFERS THE TANGY ZIP OF MIRACLE WHIP GO AHEAD AND JUDGE I DON’T CARE. Adjust the seasonings to taste (HINT: no matter what you put in, it tastes like olive oil) and thin the mayonnaise with lemon juice or warm water if it is too thick.

At this point, the mayonnaise is ready to be used, say, in Caesar dressing. If you’re not using it right away, cover it up and stick it in the fridge. It should keep for about a week.*

*Whereupon you will have to make more if you need it.**

**Which I don’t recommend doing by hand.***

***I might be a little more gracious about this product if my wrist weren’t so tired.****

****This was neither easy nor fun, in case you hadn’t figured that out. 

Part 2 is here.

With Apologies to Goodnight Moon

In the suburban home

There were cupboards filled

With things in cans

And a fridge full of—

 

Velveeta cheese and salted ham

and there was candy, sweet and dandy 

and pasta and rice, bleached and nice

and sugar and snacks and treats all in packs

and ice cream and cake and processed meats

and all sorts of bad-for-you, yummy-yum treats

Goodbye Velveeta

Goodbye ham

Goodbye things that come in cans

Goodbye candy, sweet and dandy

Goodbye rice, bleached and nice

Goodbye snacks all wrapped in packs

Goodbye salty, processed meats

Goodbye bad-for-you, yummy-yum treats

Goodbye chemicals in meats and botanic

Goodbye all—hello, whole and organic.

Tomato Chutney

Admit it: after reading yesterday’s post, you’re jonesing for some poached-egg-polenta-goodness, aren’tcha?

I know I was. In fact, it inspired me while making dinner…but that’s an update for a later time. Because TODAY! Oh, friends! Today, I shall share with you the secrets of making…TOMATO CHUTNEY.

I’m sure there are some stores where you can buy this delicious concoction, but as both Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods are about a 30-minute drive from my house, I figured, what the heck, I’ll duck into Price Chopper, get the stuff I need to make it, and be done in less time than it would take to drive there and back.

All you need is a little patience and the right ingredients to make your own homemade batch of…

Would fresh spices work better? Maybe. Were these easier? Definitely.

Ingredients:

• 1 can diced tomatoes (no salt added)
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup cider vinegar
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 1 large pinch kosher salt
• 1 tsp curry powder
• 1/8 tsp cayenne pepper (or 1/2 teaspoon red chili flakes)
• 3/4 tsp garlic powder (or 3 garlic cloves, minced)
• 1/4 tsp ground ginger

Step 1: Add all the ingredients to a smallish saucepan and mix well. Bring to a boil, then cover and turn the heat to low. Cook for about 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

If only everything I made could be this simple.

Step 2: Pour the mixture into a blender and blend it briefly.

Don't blend for too long, or you'll end up with sweet-spicy marinara sauce.

Step 3: Pour into a sterilized glass jar.

This is a pickle jar that I boiled for about 10 minutes. I am either extremely dedicated to recycling or too lazy to buy a jar from the store (you pick).

That’s it. No, really, Totally simple, right? You can store this deliciousness for up to two months in your fridge, although if it lasts that long, you have more willpower than me.

Side note: don’t cook this late at night when you can’t open the windows. My house smelled like a spice den, which is nice and all, but not that pleasant when you wake up the next morning and you’ve got stale spice smell hovering in your kitchen.

Apparently, you can use this chutney on just about anything to add a dash of awesome. If you find a fabulous recipe that makes the angels sing, send it my way!

Original recipe from here.